February 2012
2 posts
I want a new season here are three good reasons:
The infinite boredom A few more holidays And a new mystery See, three good reasons but no new season.
Remember when I’ve promised you the summer? Remember all the countless times I’ve promised you stars by night and sunlight by day? I promise you today: the birds will come back again, and the boats on our river will return once more (swinging sofly on friendly waves). I am a mighty one, I can let it rain by dawn so the flowers have water in the morning. I am a gardener, I plant trees,...
January 2012
1 post
It is mental abuse to be loved.
December 2011
3 posts
Rationalization →
The truth is: I am only half here. I am one of those people who tend to become invisible with time, soaking into everything that surrounds me - into the smoke of cigarettes, into blinking christmas tree lights, into still glowing wicks. Dark red, the glow. I am only half here, and soon, soon I will be gone completely.
When someone you love is gone, dead, you will wait for them to return. You will see them standing right in front of you in the grocery store line whipping back an forth in slow impatience. Or you will see them with their white earphones in dark subway train window reflections. Every time, you will not concentrate properly on something, you will see them. This is what life becomes: a series of...
November 2011
1 post
When people ask me why I haven’t got a girlfriend (because they obviously think that everybody should have one) I answer. I have found it to be incredibly difficult to love those back who loved me first and I am incredibly quick to love those first who don’t love me back. It’s a simple answer; and everybody understands it.
October 2011
3 posts
1 tag
But that’s what feelings are made for. To communicate inner workings. They were not made for you to enjoy them alone in a small red room in your heart. You have to invite somebody. There is nothing going to happen in your life without investing yourself you know.
You wake up to your completely re-newed self. But every morning. After all the promises made in hasty nights in fights encountered on the verge of disraction and boredom you woke up to your completely re-newed self. You are the master of this. Waking up next to possibility. What you have learned in your dreams is this: that every chance taken is put together of a thousand you could not take. And...
Letter to a newborn.
We are not alone. We are not “out there”. This is our home. Don’t wander off, young earthling. You can wonder, if you like to. Because you will have to learn a lot. We need you here. The birth of you has much in common with the birth of a whole universe. And you, you made it here. I don’t know if you knew this, but this world is our home. I will demand of you to...
September 2011
31 posts
This: people need a reminder that things done to prove love are not the same as things done out of love.
I hate the happy places. Places like the clubs or the streets on friday nights, where you have to be happy in order to not be a loser. Where people hate you for being sad sometimes, and hurt you for still being angry at all the injustice you see nowadays. I hate the clubs, I hate them, I hate to be forced to be happy, I hate all the entertainment shows and amusement parks. There are the happy...
Adolescence should not be like the autumn. It shouldn’t be rainy, it shouldn’t be windy, it shouldn’t be the prelude to frost. Behind every bitter man, there was a cold “I can’t forgive you”. I will tell my son, that he needs a friend to not become insane in his twenties. When everything is new, and you made it through adolescence this friend becomes as...
When I have learnt a thing, this: that you can get away with doing anything, because someone, most probably a girl would come along and read something meaningful, emotional, and deep into it.
1 tag
When we were children, my mother used to blow soap bubbles. They never stay, because bad thoughts destroyed them, she told us. That’s how important we are, she said. This is what our thoughts can do, destroy. Be careful, be care-filled. The world is just fragile. This is not a perfect world. But it has soap bubbles. Because we were children, we knew. Now you are always alone. You live inside...
time will eventually become: a good book by your bed afternoon naps even on sunny days small melodies set in e minor inside your head a wedding invite every now and then family holidays rushing past you like metro trains quietly observing the power of your youth disappearing
It may be a small revolution, walking barefoot these days.
I saw a happy girl in London once. It was on February 14 2009, in the evening. I was sitting in the subway and she got in, just like that. She was happy, you saw it by the tears in her eyelashes. You could see all the sad people shyly looking over to her. You could feel your own face new born in the brightness of her smile. She stood right in front of me, next to the door. She had held...
“I tell my family that happiness consists of being satisfied with having less and...”
– Tolstoy, diary entry
Here’s how to hold on to things: Some boys live in the presence of their feelings like you would live in the presence of birds. They are close to you, maybe you can hear them up in a tree, singing. Nobody knows why they chose that tree to rest and that song to sing. And there is nobody that could climb up there to catch one of them and hold on to it because with the simple clap of a hand they...
As I looked through my photo collection I wondered how many different persons I can be. First I got scared but then I smiled, knowing, that these may not be different persons but one, struggling to find a body that fits exactly to what I have in mind for my life. Oh, and I hope I’ll remember to tell my kids one day that it’s okay. It is okay to change and it’s okay not to feel bad about it,...
“Masturbation is an escape from literature.”
– Tao Lin (from Shoplifting From American Apparel) Read his latest article on Thought Catalog
People who tell you that life is about creating things often turn out to be the same people who will soon tell you to grow up and that you can’t have what you need, and need to start settling for less. Fight them, fight them beyond any rationality and reason. Throw something at them. Throw a brick at them, say “Where’s the creation in this, bitch?”
One day the humans found something that cared within them. Something that demanded the freedom of others, and was ready to sell itself into slavery. Something that was willing to be set on fire for the sake of the good and forever kind. Something that was not infected with itself, but was pure and free. Something that got never tired of whispering: Love.
“What a useless thing”,...
Girls are always in love.
PS: I wonder if the other ones, the Pacific and Indian oceans are any good…
Some lovers promise their girl the stars. I wouldn’t do that. What would a girl want to do with a billion-tons heavy, rotating hydrogen-helium ball? No, my girl should have an ocean, preferably the Atlantic ocean, because it is the one I have seen and I consider it appropriate. An ocean manages itself, it is there, friendly in the morning, you can swim in it, you can wonder about the color of the...
Dear children, we hate you. →
Say there were two people out on the streets tonight - a boy and a girl. Say they would come home tomorrow when the sun already rises above the little province town where they were brought up together. They were born in the same hospital, sat under the same trees and collected the same pokemon cards when it was the thing to do. Say one of both is drunk, wasted, the girl, and the boy carries her,...
the quiet place →
Life just happens. You have become passive, not indifferent, but passive. You are floating in cold water, every day is the same, every street corner familiar. You try to take the feelings out of the things. Sometimes you are sad, sometimes happy, and it just happens to you, without much sense or consent. You are here, you don’t know what to do but that’s okay. All that talk about finding...
You will pack up your childhood and (mainstream music) record collection and you will move on. You will go and get a house and a sofa and a TV set and it will have lots of channels. It will have 500 channels and you will be able to record those (crappy) TV shows you watch everyday. You will have a beautiful wife (who was a slut in college) and you will have children, maybe two, maybe three,...
Think about it: You’ve met that stranger, a girl, at some birthday party last year. It was on the beginning of fall, and the first lonely night winds were singing their hellos around the street corners and on big city intersections. And now it is that night again, that same night, just one year later and this girl got a name, and favorite music, a smile, a kiss, and a yoghurt she likes best....
The blood of Abel cries out to the heavens: guilt, guilt, GUILT. You have uprooted me from the bottom of my soul. There sure are a lot of things one can miss in this world. All the faded flowers, gone. My name is Kain, and I can’t keep a promise. Isn’t it weird how the commitment of one woman can give a man so much in his life? I am guilty, I am guilty, I despise you, I deprive you of...
Happy people can’t write.
Once, one of his professors has told the class that thinking is essentially the same as dividing things up into different parts. Since then, Sam knows he has a problem with this - thinking. He always has been unsure about the border where something ends and something else begins. Some people know exactly who and what they mean when they use words just like “Me” or “You” or “Elephant” or “Adenosine...
You will stop answering “waiting”. She is still here - in February she is visiting me quietly. I can feel when she’s talking to me only from the pain in my chest. All the other things about her already have disappeared - her voice, her laugh, her hair, her question.
When it all will be gone, you will be alone (again). You will become indifferent, numb to the ripples and bumps of...
1 tag
“O youth, youth! little dost thou care for anything; thou art master, as it were,...”
– Ivan S. Turgenev - First Love I’ve read this short story a few times during the last few days. I can highly recommend reading it to everyone - I was holding back my tears all through the story.
It sure is wrong to love you just because small points of your body - where your eyelashes leave your eye lids, the very corners of your lips, fine hair on your neck, tiny moons beneath your fingernails. It sure is wrong to love you just because small points of your body.
August 2011
42 posts
A huge chunk of complicatedness has been cut from your life. Life is easy without her: you go, you have fun, wet streets will never haunt you again. People show up shortly in your life, and they get away too fast. And it is neither good nor sad - it just is the way it is, as it has never been different.
If you believe there is a single certain way things should be then you will end up running through your life like a betrayed housewife.
Que suis-je pour elle?
some find the loves of their lives early they leave the rest of us standing here their advice worthless for they have never been lonely (enough) there is no meaning to this rant - they just leave us standing here.
I don’t want just some girl. I take no pleasure in some girl. Some girl should just go and fuck itself.
Hey, don’t trust a girl who never blushes when she gets a compliment.
The stars are annoyed by your questions about the future. They say: “We are just stars, Goddamnit!”
You’re so fucked up. You’re so fucked up. But that’s okay, really, here, be my guest, take these sleeping pills and you’ll be dead in no time.